In other news, today workers at Monticello reported an odd sound and an accompanying vibration emanating from the vicinity of the Thomas Jefferson burial site.
"We were so freaked out!" Reported one custodian. "It was this bizzare 'whirring' noise. What in heavens name could make such a noise?"
A prominent personality and humanities scholar Clay Jenkins  has proposed that this can only be explained as Thomas Jefferson himself spinning in his grave!
All I can say is if this man is elected President, we are totally F---ed!
 Apologies to Clay Jenkins, whose work I thoroughly enjoy, he DID NOT say this! I used this for comedic effect.