Thursday, May 1, 2008

A little off today...

I awoke this morning with a strange sense of nausea and trepidation. The reason has been oddly vague. My last meal consisted of nothing so spicy or memorable. My sleep was neither fitful nor my dreams remarkable. Why do I have this sense of impending doom? Is this a premonition of some other worldly threat? Some foreboding caused by the approach of forces demonic and or angelic finally arrived to wreak vengeance upon my soul for my mocking denial of their existence? Nah! But, nonetheless, so it is that the feelings doth persist. What could it be?

Oh yes! Now I remember! Excuse me... I feel an overwhelming urge to kneel before a toilet...


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Meccan Mean Time?

Sometimes I get the feeling that many of my Christian friends think that I 'pick on' Christianity too much and I am not leveling my wit and sarcasm at other religions that might actually be engaging in activities that might be light-years more ludicrous. To a point they are right and I tend to focus my energies in mocking some of the more asinine practices of my Christian brethren.

In my defense I focus on the followers of Christianity because two reasons:

1. Generally that's who I'm surrounded by.

And more importantly...

2. Because most other religons are so ridiculous and ludicrous that it feels like I'd be going after so much 'low hanging fruit'.

But you know what? That ends now. I will start going after the whack-o's of Islam. To that end...

A group of Muslim scientists (the irony is not lost on me) and clerics have come to a conclusion recently. This esteemed group has "called for the adoption of Mecca time to replace GMT, arguing that the Saudi city is the true center of the Earth".

Is this truly the biggest problem Muslims have to deal with today?

OK! I'll tell you what Mohammed you get your kids to stop strapping high explosives to their bodies and setting them off amongst other people you deem infidels, and we'll gladly make Mecca the new GMT. If that's all it would take I think we could get the rest of the civilized world on-board.

Though somehow, I think that would be just the first of the demands to come out of the Caliphate!

Lighten up Mohammed, you with it!


Monday, April 28, 2008

And ye shall know them by their SMELL!!!

Seems our old pal Donald Wildmon is in a tizzy again! This time his target is Proctor & Gamble for its sponsorship of "As The World Turns". Tellingly, Ol' Donny is willing to look past the heterosexual promiscuity all too evident in ALL soap operas, but "open mouth' homosexual kissing", well he's having NONE of that! To show his commitment to stamping out this "unhealthy and immoral lifestyle" he's suggesting that those who agree with his position contact P&G and make their feelings known. I find it interesting that he hasn't called for a boycott as he has in the past. Might it have something to do with the ubiquity of P&G products in the American Home? Look at these brand names: Crest, Tide, Ivory Soap, Secret, Pampers, Scope! Can you imagine the combined effect on pleasant society if the millions of Bible adhering citizens in this country decided to stop using these products!? Pee yew! It'd be like Paris in high summer!

As a public service to all of us, I am begging my Christian brothers and sisters to NOT engage in anything so rash as to suspend using modern toiletries in lieu of showing your distaste for homosexuality. All of us will thank you for it!


Will the real Mr. Stein please stand....

Mr. Stein says "Science = killing people"


See Ben?

See Ben Lie!

Lie, Ben LIE!!

Bye Ben!

Every time Ben lies God kills a kitten!!!